When ever I have thought about writing this post the first thing that comes to me is Salt-N-Pepa’s hit song from the early nineties and it’s peppy chorus: “Lets talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.”
Let’s talk about it dear ones, let’s begin to blow the lid of a big taboo in the awakening community, (and in society in general) and straight talk a little about sexual trauma and awakening and Kundalini.
We usually all know at least one person in our lives that has experienced some kind of sexual trauma, the national figures on sexual abuse rates are staggering. So you may have some awareness of the dedication, courage and intentionality required to recover from such experiences and their impact.
So what do we do when some of the bad things of our sexual history intersect with awakening? How do we respond when some of the big pain and repressed memories of “something awful” come up as you are waking up? And even more, what happens when the anxiety about sexual trauma and its pain stirs up the fierceness of Kundalini and unbalances Her energy?
These are some of the essential questions and issues I have guided a large percentage of my clients with. In this video I describe why so many people going through awakening have sexual trauma.
I am not writing about this subject as an outsider. It was my path too. This was a tricky and occasionally treacherous road I walked, explored, suffered and supported myself on during my own Kundalini awakening. In the early days Kundalini unleashed from all kinds of repressed material from my unconscious – abuse memories, terrifying feelings, intense anxiety and big moods. It was a lot, it was overwhelming and while I had a great therapist I had no one to confide in about what the sexual trauma was doing to my Kundalini process, and how it was making it so much worse.
I am grateful I was able to successfully resolve these traumas and find freedom. I thank my amazing therapy mentors, my spiritual support, my courage and all the gifts life bought to help me get there. I did not do it alone. In order to find freedom I showed up for myself and did the inner work required daily for several years. I painted hundreds of Jungian active imagination style paintings working with my unconscious, I journalled wildly, I walked in the forest, I got lots of hugs, I met the scary things in the right order to keep me safe and I looked for the tiniest gain anywhere. Simultaneously I experimented with how to care for Kundalini and separate out these two big processes and energies so that they were safe, bearable and I could reach other side in one piece- for there were times when I wondered if this was possible. Would I actually make it?
It was not always pretty, that’s for sure. But was essential to my future wellbeing, peace and empowerment. I was so driven for freedom. Unbearable pain fueled that drive.
So what do we do when some of the bad things of our sexual history or trauma intersect with awakening?
Why can sexual trauma make Kundalini a bit more challenging, and more anxiety provoking?
In this video I begin to open up the conversation, because it needs to start somewhere. We need to do it as individuals, in our communities and in our world.
Walking this path has made me a powerful spiritual warrior, that’s the trade off when you wrestle your biggest and most gnarly challenges for their fruits and opportunities.
From my heart and soul, I wish to extend the wisdom, knowledge and insights I have gleaned from being stuck at this hidden junction between awakening and sexual pain, and some tips on how I started to find my way out the other side.
And I would love to hear from you.
If this is your path, my heart is with you, and I love you.
This is an important message, if you can share it with your communities and your world, please do.
In big love, and fierce truth, and passion for your awakening,
And a dash of Salt-N-Pepa to round things off with a little sassy straight talkin!